Seriously?

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So guess who I heard from? Yup! Overseas Guy who leaves nyc tomorrow! He texts-oh-so-innocently, “Hey there, how are you doing?”

Oh hiiii. You want to know how I’m doing? Really? Are you sure cuz I’ll tell you motherf%cker. If you really do want to know. Pull up a chair! Would you like a pillow?

It’s just that I’m a little confused to hear from you the day before you’re leaving the country. I kind of thought, I don’t know, we would have made legitimate plans to hang out by now? I’ve spent the last three-ish weeks texting with you on whatsapp while you were in god knows where Africa. And now you want to know how I’m doing? You also want to tell me that you’re at your favorite bar? Well isn’t that just kick-you-in-the-crotch, spit-on-your-neck fantastic? Yes, I stole that line from Friends! What do you care? You only bothered to contact me the night before you fly out of the country. What were you hoping for? That I’d run to your favorite bar in Times Square and…wait…your favorite bar is in Times Square?? What the F is wrong with you?! So you thought I’d run to Times Square, do you realize I’m actually from nyc and not just visiting? So you thought I’d run there, have a few nitrogenated beer- (yeah, I loved learning that factoid from you on our 2nd date, that beer can be nitrogenated-awesome. Someone please wake me up)- after our beer, I’d be sooo tired that I just had to stay at your place and then you’d get to have your way with me before flying out tomorrow? Is that what you thought would happen? Really? No come on. Really, you did? Have a nitrogenated beer for me because I’m going to stick with carbonation. Thank you though. Enjoy Belize or Costa Rica or upstate New York or wherever the hell you’re going. Have fun. Buh Bye.

Well, I didn’t say all that. Not in so many words. I was actually pretty nice. Too nice in fact!

I think I have to expand beyond online dating. It’s all I seem to do. I read somewhere if you go out alone, you’re more likely to be approached. If you’re hanging out with a bunch of girlfriends, then that could make it intimidating for a nice guy to approach you. So I’ve been thinking…maybe I should go to a museum alone? In a cute outfit and maybe I’ll throw on some makeup. But really I’d be going for the cultural experience. 😉

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